Caving to Food Porn: Pinterest Impulse Baking

Another thing I don't normally do on this blog: post recipes. When deciding the purpose for this blog initially, I figured there were enough recipe blogs out there in the world that another was not needed. My hunch was confirmed with the recent creation of Pinterest, where one can find no end to all the recipes that are floating around in the blogosphere. However, it somehow simultaneously managed to achieve the opposite effect: Pinterest also makes me want to be a recipe blogger.

Why, you ask? Because I sit around looking at and reading about delicious food ALL DAY. If you are my Pinterest friend (click here to follow me), you'll notice that the majority of my boards are dedicated to food, whether that be recipes or restaurants I want to try, broken down by restaurant type or meal/course types and sub-types, of course (this hobby is ORGANIZED!). I look at other people's Pinterest food boards and repin to mine. I also have several food-dedicated RSS feeds that stream in all my favorite recipe blogs as well as any food news from Chicago and the rest of the country. I often pin those recipes to my Pinterest boards. Additionally, I have an enormous Gmail filing system of recipes I have found online. I pin those, too. It's a vicious cycle of food porn.

Do I need help? Perhaps. But I don't want it.

So, why be a recipe blogger? Ogling all these scrumptious recipes every day makes me want to make EVERYTHING. The even more ironic part is that not all of it is new to me. Did I know there was such a thing as a grilled cheese with caramelized mushrooms and onions? Of course - I've probably made it before just messing around. Do I want it right now? Not really - I just ate lunch. If I saw a recipe and a picture of a really melty, crispy grilled cheese with caramelized mushrooms and onions, would I want it right now? Absolutely - I'm drooling reading what I just wrote.

And the only way I can justify making a caramelized mushroom and onion grilled cheese (for those foodies out there wondering what kind of cheese this beauty contains - you know who you are and I'd bet we'd be good friends - it was gruyere, aged cheddar, fontina, and parmigiano reggiano) an hour after lunch is for the sake of a blog post, right? For the sake of the freedom of press and our "hunger" for information? Yes. If I were a recipe blogger I could make anything and everything because I have to for my blog.

Tell me you don't want this.

And it's not just grilled cheese. Pinterest food porn makes you want to make everything, all at once. Completely superfluous - things I don't eat normally and wouldn't buy. I had to try making Tuscan white bean soup. And suddenly I was obsessed with making granola. And protein bars - at least they are healthy! Thankfully I've refrained from making all the macaroni and cheese recipes I've pinned thus far. But at the end of the day - and yes, I made soup and granola and protein bars all in one day (superfluous), I still have a lot of homemade soup and granola and protein bars lying around, which is a lot more soup and granola and protein bars than I alone can eat.

Hence the reason for this post: what I would like to call caving to food porn by "Pinterest impulse baking." When my Monday night suddenly opened up, I had no idea what to do with myself. I'm not very good at sitting around, hence why I have three jobs. Maybe I'll "relax" at home, I told myself. "Relax" for me usually means being on my feet in the kitchen for five hours making something that was not ordered through Dolce + Decadence. I got on Pinterest and browsed recipes I had pinned over time, hoping to find something intriguing (which they obviously would be if I pinned them to begin with).

Aside: That's another thing about Pinterest that I find mildly entertaining. I believe for most it is a place to showcase what they would do in their crafty second life, because let's be honest - when am I EVER going to use lace as a stencil to spray paint a design on a lamp shade? Never. Attempt any of the complicated braided hair styles I pinned? Ha. However, I do not want to be a complete Pinterest fraud, so I feel obligated to attempt some of my pins, and the most doable ones for me are recipes.

Anyways... so I am browsing for my Monday night "relaxation" recipe when I stumble upon (wrong site... pun intended ;) a recipe I had pinned awhile ago for Funfetti cake batter bars from the blog Lovin' From The Oven. The author makes a lot of interesting baked goods that pique my interest, Funfetti cake batter bars being one of them. This shouldn't surprise readers, given my attempts at homemade Funfetti (parts I and II). What I found interesting about these bars was that they weren't made entirely with or without Funfetti; rather, the Funfetti cake mix was used as just another ingredient along with the other ingredients necessary for a blondie-esque bar. They also fit my requirement for "relaxation" baking, which is a simple recipe that has only one homemade component (for example, a cake would be two - cake and frosting). This recipe seemed even more perfect when I remembered that my coworker Sarah's birthday was this week, and nothing screams birthday like Funfetti - especially when you scream, "FuuuunnnFETTTTTIIIIIII!!!!!" (It's even more effective after you've eaten the Funfetti and have the sugar coursing through your veins.) And to make this all even more worthwhile, I would blog about it. Now it's justified - I'm a recipe blogger.

"Relaxation" with a purpose and justification besides relaxation - is that actually relaxation? Told you I was bad at it...

Funfetti cake batter bars.

I got home and started getting out my ingredients. I was curious about the 1 1/4 cup Funfetti mix called for - how many cups of Funfetti are in a box of Funfetti? Since I wasn't sure what to do with the rest of the cake mix after pulling out what I needed, I decided to make as many batches of Funfetti cake bars as the box would allow.

Three. Three batches of Funfetti cake bars. WHY this seemed like a good idea at the time ("I'm not being wasteful!") I have no idea, now that I am surrounded by a bajillion Funfetti cake bars ("I feel fatter just looking at them."). Funny - didn't I mention earlier that Pinterest tricks you into making superfluous amounts of food? ...

Anyways, I tripled the recipe. Which is a lot of butter, if you'll note. Too much, in my opinion, although the end result was buttery fabulousness. We all saw what happened to Paula Deen (too soon?). I'd perhaps cut it to a half cup (one stick) per batch next, so three sticks if using the whole box of Funfetti, and see how they turn out. You could probably even try a little less, although not too much less - haven't you learned anything from Paula Deen? Also, instead of adding more sprinkles, I made the white chocolate "rainbow chips" documented in my homemade Funfetti post. I liked that touch and recommend it, but if you don't want to take the six minutes to make them, I imagine sprinkles taste just fine. Or just adding white chocolate chips - all of the flavor, none of the color magic.

The batter is wonderful, FYI. After filling the pans, I "accidentally" left a blob at the bottom of the bowl that I was forced to lick off the spatula so as not to waste it. If it's acceptable at Next, it's acceptable in my kitchen.

Funfetti cake batter bar...batter.

Here is the recipe for the triple batch (whole box of cake mix), if you want to try it at home. For a single batch refer to Lovin's original post, then let me know what you do with leftover cake mix.

• 1 box Funfetti cake mix
• 2 1/4 cup AP flour
• 3/4 teaspoon baking soda
• 4 1/2 sticks butter, melted and slightly cooled
• 3 eggs
• 3 egg yolks
• 2 tablespoons vanilla
• 1 1/2 cup sugar
• 1 1/2 cup brown sugar
•  1/2 bag of white chocolate chips and food coloring to make "rainbow chips"

1. Preheat oven to 350F. Grease a few pans, since it's a triple batch. Recommendations: three 8x8, an 8x8 and a 9x13, etc. I did two 9x11 and a 6" round. Basically, whatever you've got.
2. Make rainbow chips: Melt white chocolate in the microwave. Remove and divide among several small bowls. Tint each bowl with food coloring and stir gently to distribute color evenly. Spread white chocolate on a parchment-lined baking sheet to cool and harden. Once hard, chop into tiny rainbow chips and mix all colors together.
3. In a LARGE bowl, cream both sugars, butter, vanilla, eggs, and egg yolks. 
4. Gradually mix in flour, cake mix, and baking soda until just mixed. Stir in rainbow chips.
5. Spread batter evenly into greased pans.
6. Bake for 30-35 minutes, until top is lightly browned and middle still jiggles slightly. Cool completely before cutting, or if you want them immediately, dig in - they are delicious hot and gooey.

Beginning of the collapse.

Some of the prettier middle pieces.

The bars come out looking normal, then suddenly collapse in the middle shortly after leaving the oven and beginning to cool, leaving you with puffed, jagged edges and a sunken middle. Not pretty for presentation purposes, but Sarah won't care what her birthday cake looks like (I hope):

Is that a cake or a moon rock?

They are still buttery, sugary bundles of joy, and the rugged terrain actually creates a textural playground: the crusty edges have a caramelized sugar taste and a dense chew, while the middle pieces are melt-in-your-mouth gooey.

Crunchy, chewy edges. Don't discriminate because they are ugly. You'll regret it.

Let me know if you make these! And a little feedback, please: do you like when I post recipes? Would you like me to more often? If so, I can pepper these in with my posts about my business. I plan to give a few more soon about my adventures in healthy baking, so look out for them. Let me know, either via comment, Facebook post, or email to dolce.decadence@gmail.com.

Oh, and if you're close enough that my fatass doesn't have to venture too far to find you (god forbid exercising after consuming one of these calorie bombs), I'd love to give you a Funfetti cake batter bar to get them OUT of my apartment...